In recovery, as we heal, we naturally become more aware of ourselves and our feelings, and understand it’s not healthy to react to every feeling. Lee has a definition of the word “warring as, “opposing, belittling, or destroying another person’s point of view.”
Do we want to be warring with ourselves or others?
Let’s say we stub our toe on a chair, and we feel really angry because it hurts. If we choose to “aim our wounds” we will do something like swear at the dog, or blame a partner for putting the chair there, or war within by belittling ourselves with harsh criticism like how stupid or careless we are. Instead, we need to go deeper. For example, when we look within, we may realize that we stubbed our toe when we were rushing frantically because our anxiety was high. Then we can explore the cause of the anxiety, and what could be done to heal and empower ourselves.
Today, we see a lot of “warring” in society. I hear people talk about the anger they have when they read someone’s comment(s) online. How many times do we see examples of people reacting immediately to their feelings without stopping first to pause and ask questions of themselves? Countless times we see this “warring” attitude, where people outright oppose, belittle, and/or give no room for another’s point of view.
How often do we catch our own selves having this warring attitude towards others? Or how often do we war within? It is each person’s responsibility to look at their deeper issues underlying this kind of behavior and OWN their own feelings. And we need to understand that everybody has a right to their own feelings and points of view. It is not our business to tell someone else how to feel. We do not have to agree, but they get to be themselves! It is their individual path and journey, and not ours to dictate.
When feelings and “triggers” come up, we need to remember to stop and look within; to search and learn to know ourselves at a deeper level. This enables us to heal past wounds while considering ways to process nonviolently, and-end the warring. We get to make a conscious choice not to belittle ourselves and/or others or destroy another’s point of view. This makes room for greater possibilities in our lives. If we want more peace and less war in this world, then we need to start right here-within ourselves.
Cheri Thomas
Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist for RI in Arizona. She has experienced loss and grief which has led her to write for the masses to bring voice to those in similar situations. Cheri possesses a deep passion to share with, encourage, and inspire others on what she calls the Journey of the Heart.