I think sometimes we miss out by dismissing things that don’t match our expectations. In listening to people’s stories, I’ve heard comments like: “I want a friend who will reach out to me, first.” Or, “I only want a friend who will go out and do things with me.” Or, “I only want long-term friendships.” These are but a few examples.

The common thread is they’re making these comments while also saying they don’t have friends; yet, they’re missing out on other kind of friends due to the expectations they’ve set. Long term friendships and friends to go do things with are great; and, it’s not that we can’t desire certain things, but placing an expectation that a friendship *must be a certain way definitely puts us in a box of our own making.

No friendship is an accident, rather friendships of any kind are a form of love and connection which we all need. We may even need to look at our definition of friendships so we don’t miss out on other forms of them. I definitely define friendships differently than I used to. What about you?

Here’s some examples of forms of friendships that I see now, but missed in the past:
—I have had friendships that have lasted only for one meaningful conversation. I remember another friendship being one and a half weeks, another three weeks, but each truly touched my life in some way. Though brief, the impacts on my heart and theirs were genuine and lasting.
—During COVID isolation was the norm, yet opportunities arose to do online groups/classes; and (for me) though I only got to interact with other attendees during that dedicated time, some I considered friends.
—When walking in nature, I see some people consistently. We don’t stop and have long conversations, but we smile and greet one another and may exchange a few words. I consider this a form of friendship too.

We all need love and connection—let’s break out of the rigid boxes formed from expectations, and stay open to accepting the love and connection of friendships in any meaningful exchange.

Cheri Thomas

Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist at Recovery Innovations. She writes as an expression of her heart in hopes of connecting to others’ hearts, so that no one feels alone on this journey-and instead feels valued, seen, and heard while growing in empowerment.