"Sometimes, if you fake confidence long enough, you’re going to be confident." —Elle King
I had to dig long and hard to find a quote to match my recent thought processes. Usually it’s the quote that sparks my writing but my world is so chaotic right now that my process is a bit off. I just started a new role, one where I’m feeling lost and floundering because there is so much I’m learning and I came from a role I felt I had mastered.
It’s terribly hard to be someone that thrives on knowledge only to be overwhelmed by the need to have knowledge that I just don’t yet. It has left me sitting in a lot of self-doubt and “fake it till I make it” living. Oh I’m learning, and up until this Recovery Talk I’m not sure anyone around me would know that I am lacking confidence. Heading to work one morning this week and thinking about what needed accomplished for the day I began to spiral in the self-doubt. Then I looked out my windshield and running down the center lane of the traffic filled road was a coyote. Not dodging in and out of cars, not running in the bike lane, no this coyote was confidently trotting along in the center lane and forcing all the cars to pass him on one side or another.
It was awe inspiring and I’ll admit I’ve been jealous of the coyote since. If I didn’t know better I would have said he was a car and completely belonged in that center lane. That moment is what finally sparked Recovery Talk into existence. Maybe I’m not confident in my role right now but that’s been true before and I was able to fight for a different reality. Sure it took time, work and faking it but the confidence came. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is a lot of doubt in the world, and self-doubt is very real but it doesn’t have to stay. Displaying confidence while we work to gain confidence might just be another secret to life.
Run in the center lane because you belong there and no one can tell you differently. Be the coyote. Live confidence till it exists.
Sarah Deats is the Arizona Outpatient Support Services Manager at RI International and the Hope Inc. Stories Inspiration Engineer. Her goals are to make a connection with everyone that she can while building community, spreading hope, and sparking change. She believes that while life may not be easy, it is never lived alone.