Recently, I was listening to Shelley Long talk about self-love, self-respect, self-care, and more. I was struck by a 2 part definition of boundaries that came up. I want to share it with you.

1. Never become more invested in another person’s wellness than they are of their own.
2. Never become more invested in another person’s wellness than you are of your own.

Does that hit home with anyone else? Have you ever cared about what happens to someone else more than they care about their own wellness? On the other hand, have you ever cared about someone more than you cared about your own wellness? I could clearly think back to examples in my own life where I did both before I was even out of high school. Had I understood this two-part definition of boundaries, and put it into practice back then, I can say it would have led me on a path of more personal happiness. Eventually, I learned that I couldn’t care more than others cared about the wellness of their own body, mind, and spirit. However, I didn’t really link it to boundaries, nor did I really think about the flipside of it, the many times I was more invested in someone else than caring about the wellness of my own body, mind, and spirit.

Of course we want to love, care for, have compassion for people in our lives, and all those wonderful kinds of things. It’s also fantastic to inspire others and provide supports needed and/or resources so others can discover their own empowerment. To do that, there’s a balance and a mutuality that needs to take place on both sides that good boundaries can provide. We can’t give away our own power. We must take care of our own selves in the process of caring for others. We can partner with others but can’t rob them of opportunities to empower themselves. Part of this is not investing ourselves more in their wellness than they are investing in it. This keeps everyone’s boundaries in check, creates an atmosphere for mutual respect, and allows for everyone’s empowerment in the process, leading us on the path to more personal happiness all around!

Cheri Thomas

Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist for RI in Arizona. She has experienced loss and grief which has led her to write for the masses to bring voice to those in similar situations. Cheri possesses a deep passion to share with, encourage, and inspire others on what she calls the Journey of the Heart.