Do you ever get upset by another human being? Does something about someone just “rub you the wrong way?” I think it’s safe to say that we all have had some experiences like that. So, what do we do in those situations?

I’ve heard this said a lot lately, “hurt people – hurt people.” Have you ever been hurt and then reacted to someone else in a way that ended up hurting them? Maybe it was done consciously, or maybe unconsciously. Either way, that unprocessed hurt in us ended up hurting another. This can happen in families one generation after the next from unhealed “hurts.” It can also happen with a stranger in a grocery store or anywhere. The first step is always awareness. We need to be present to the situation and own our feelings regardless of what the other person did (or didn’t do). Once we’ve owned our feelings, we can take a step back versus “throwing the first stone,” and ask ourselves if we’ve ever acted in a way that might’ve set another person off. An honest person will say, “yes” to that. Of course, we have – that’s our shared humanity.

Recently, I read something that talked about how compassion can be a neutralizer that brings us out of upsetting emotions, and dysfunctional stories of the past. I thought it was a great perspective to think about compassion as a neutralizer for our upset emotions. No one is free of the human experience of upsetting, or being upset by, someone. Looking at this from a new perspective gives us an ability to shift and change. By approaching it from a place of compassion and shared humanity, our emotional reactions can be neutralized. Then, we can self-soothe and have the capacity to heal in those moments where it happens to us, while remembering that we, too, have set off reactions in others. As we give ourselves and others more compassion, we can also change old dysfunctional stories of the past. We begin to create a new reality for ourselves that spreads into the world through one compassionate act at a time.

Cheri Thomas

Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist for RI in Arizona. She has experienced loss and grief which has led her to write for the masses to bring voice to those in similar situations. Cheri possesses a deep passion to share with, encourage, and inspire others on what she calls the Journey of the Heart.