"Without actions behind the talk, it is all useless." -Catherine Pulsifer

Have you ever been confused in a relationship? I sure have been. In one such relationship the person loved language and could use it artistically. I loved reading, language, and literature growing up, so I was drawn in by someone that enjoyed it too. It had a way into my heart.

Fast forward to a time when I could feel things weren’t right in the relationship. But I didn’t understand where it was coming from. By this time, I had unknowingly become disempowered in many ways. I often made excuses for this person’s actions; when I communicated about things that concerned me, their words made me feel they were being genuine and honest. I trusted their intentions were good and continued to give them the benefit of the doubt time and again. So, I let their words “brush away” what my intuition was telling me.

Participating in an official recovery program was one of the ways I began to get clarity into this particular relationship. Recovery programs teach us to pay more attention to what people DO than what they SAY. When I started watching the actions of this person *more than the words alone, the confusion was replaced with a huge amount of clarity. It also revealed to me how I had trusted not only this person, but others in my life MORE than I trusted my own self! Huge. Life. Lesson.

Trusting others more than myself caused many problems for me/others. This ran so deep that I can still feel some residual pain as I share it with you. How/when did I start to do this, I asked myself. I’ve done a mountain worth of healing since then. I didn’t do it alone. I’ve had a few significant “healers” that have helped me with the inner healing I needed—and must continue to do. Although I have utmost trust, respect, and gratitude for those that have helped me, I don’t trust them MORE than I trust myself. I listen intently to them AND check in with myself to see what my body, heart and gut have to say. I ask questions, take what resonates with me, and leave the rest.

Healing recovery is something we all need help with. Yet, in my different roles—as a peer support specialist or friend or mom of adult children etc. I let others know that THEY know what they need, and they have to trust their own heart more than anyone/anything else. On this recovery journey as we heal, we come to know ourselves better and better, and that makes it easier to truly trust ourselves.

Cheri Thomas

Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist for RI in Arizona. She has experienced loss and grief which has led her to write for the masses to bring voice to those in similar situations. Cheri possesses a deep passion to share with, encourage, and inspire others on what she calls the Journey of the Heart.