Today’s recovery talk is a real therapy experience I had during a time depression was with me. I still have the coloring from that day. It left a lasting impression on my heart. May your heart be touched too.

I sunk lifelessly onto my therapist’s couch. She says, how are you feeling today? I say -I just don’t know. What’s hurting the most, she says. I’m just one bundle of raw pain, I say. She says-why don’t you draw it out. I can’t draw, I say. She hands me a clipboard and white sheet of paper along with a full array of crayons.

Inside I say: I’m not OK. I’m limp. I’m lifeless. I don’t care about coloring. What’s it going to do anyway?! I feel nothing. How can I draw nothingness? I look at the colors. The only one that attracts me is black. Sullenly, with a limp hand, I pull out the black. I’m not into this—I just scribble all across the page; nothing different than a two-year-olds. I’m feeling—this is stupid! How’s it gonna help anyway? I scribble some more, and that’s all it is! I’m done! Just like my life is done. Everything is black.

I un-clip the paper. I lift it up to hand it to her. I pause.
WHAT?! There’s something in the blackness. It, it can’t be. I feel nothing. I drew nothing. There IS nothing. But— I SEE it! In the blackness and in the nothing but a two-year-old’s scribbles, there is a FACE! It’s just an outline, but it is undeniable. I can’t believe it. I can’t even draw a stick man. How can there possibly be a face …but there IS!

I am here – IN the blackness. I MUST be ok. I am ALIVE. HERE~IN the blackness.

Cheri Thomas

Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist for RI in Arizona. She has experienced loss and grief which has led her to write for the masses to bring voice to those in similar situations. Cheri possesses a deep passion to share with, encourage, and inspire others on what she calls the Journey of the Heart.