Years ago, a counselor taught me a simple two-word phrase to use in self discovery and healing. “Flip it.” What does “flip it” mean? It’s much easier to explain with an example than words alone. I recently talked to someone that I know personally whose loved one is in the process of dying. She recounted this…
Her partner has a will to live, but his body is shutting down on him. He has some choices in regards to his end-of-life process and he asked for her understanding. As he was sharing his choices, she responded vehemently, “You cannot die! You cannot leave me!” She went on telling me how she was taking control and told him that was “Just how it was going to be.” One can imagine how broken both hearts must’ve felt.
A few days later, I heard from her again and she was in a different frame of mind. She was open to conversation and was feeling remorse over how the conversation went with her partner. It was a great opportunity to apply “flip it.” Knowing her so well, I could express to her that I knew in that moment with him that the anger she had communicated was coming from the difficulty of accepting it, and the deep pain of the impending loss of him. She was going to profoundly miss him and all that they had created together. Reflecting that opened the door for her to see herself in a compassionate way. Then, we talked about the many years they shared, and the different forms of love and loving they had experienced together. We talked about her beliefs about the afterlife and her feelings about love, living on.
All of this, and more, was part of the “flip it,” and a bonus was that she still had time to go back to her partner, make amends, and let him know that she did intend to honor his choices. This allows them both to move through this difficult process in a much more united and loving way.
“Flip it” can be used in so many situations. It doesn’t need to be something “big” like the example above. How can you apply this concept to your own life challenges? It offers a new perspective from a place of non-judgment and is a great tool for self-discovery, leading to greater love for self and others.
Cheri Thomas
Cheri works as a Peer Support Specialist for RI in Arizona. She has experienced loss and grief which has led her to write for the masses to bring voice to those in similar situations. Cheri possesses a deep passion to share with, encourage, and inspire others on what she calls the Journey of the Heart.